


Good Luck, Detective

by YaGirlJuniper



Series: Juniper's Touhou Fan Canon [7]
Category: Touhou Project
Genre: ADHD, Animal Transformation, Aunn is a Badass, Autism, Big Gay Love Story, Body Type Headcanons, Canon Autistic Character, Crying, Danmaku (Touhou), Detectives, Dorks in Love, Established Relationship, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Feral Behavior, I know it's April and not February but shh, Info Dumping as a Character Trait, Interrogation, Kirisame Marisa Has ADHD, Long-Term Relationship(s), Magic, Marisa is Autistic, Marisa is Fat, Marisa is Transgender, Misgendering (slight), Missing Persons, Mystery, Nervousness, Outside World Memes, Puns & Word Play, Rated M for Profanity, References to Canon, Reimu is Brown, Skin Color Headcanons, Smoking, The Headcanons Become Plot-Important, Transgender Characters, True Love, Valentine's Day, Worry, more tags will be added as the story unfolds, serious puns, so many puns
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-06
Updated: 2020-04-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:27:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,827
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23521546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YaGirlJuniper/pseuds/YaGirlJuniper
Summary: Marisa arrives at Hakurei Shrine on Valentine’s Day to find her girlfriend Reimu missing. Determined to find her, she follows her heart and discovers a conspiracy taking all of Gensokyo by storm. Will she find Reimu, or is it all just too much for her? Good luck, Detective; she’s counting on you.
Relationships: Hakurei Reimu/Kirisame Marisa
Series: Juniper's Touhou Fan Canon [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1320842
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	1. Where is she?

Marisa paced on the steps just below the red Torii gate overseeing Hakurei Shrine, a white envelope clutched in her black-gloved hand behind her. With her solemn gaze turned inward, her breath puffed out over her bright red scarf in steamy wafts as she focused and circled around again.

Her expression brightened. “Y’know, it struck me, we’ve been together for like-‘” her face hardened again and she returned to pacing, stuffing her hands in her pockets “…can’t remember how long it’s been.” She looked up with a happy smile, lifting a hand. “’Hey, I know you said to come looking like a million yen, but I decided to go for a b-‘” she shook her head with a flick of her wrist and took a few more steps. She looked up with a sly wink and double finger gun, “’Heh-hey, Reimu! I’ve seen you working your butt off all month, so how’s about you ba-‘” Marisa cringed and shook her head again with a frustrated growl. With both hands, she slapped the envelope against her forehead. “Come **_on!_** I can’t just say nothing!”

She heard the crinkling of paper as her grip tightened and she yanked the envelope back, gasping as she saw the hard wrinkles forming around her thumbs. “Ohno!!” She quickly smoothed the envelope out against her belly, but in her haste, her finger clipped a wrinkle and tore along it. With a terrified squeak she lifted the envelope to eye-level, pale washing over her, eyes wobbling as the rip engulfed her focus.

“Great. Great!” She turned and flung her arms in the air. “The one letter that I got perfect and I’m about to destroy that one too!” Hands clasped behind her, bitter eyes aimed at the ground, she turned toward the shrine and marched up the steps. “I better just give this to ‘er and have ‘er read it before I cock it up any more I tell ya.” A few steps up, she felt a foreboding pang of anxiety. She looked up at the overcast sky as she passed under the Torii and groaned loudly, “why do I feel like I’m forgetting something?”

_Pchinkk-_

The sound of coins landing on piles of other coins cracked through the air and her eyes sprung forward. Dozens of worshipers had gathered in the courtyard. She could barely hear the bell and clap of prayer over their chatter.

Her posture slouched and she felt her stomach flutter. _“Oh man… she’s been working hard all month and now the one day I need ‘er to myself, it’s like there’s a party.”_ Another steamy puff blew out between her parted lips, gazing out at nothing in particular. _“Do they even know it’s Valentine’s Day? It’s not exactly common knowledge in here, we just know people…”_ She jolted upright with a light behind her eyes, which then slid shut as she dropped into a slouch once more, a resigned sigh dumping out of her in a steamy cloud. _“Knowing her, she’s probably been spreading the word all month to try and profit off it with love charms and fortune-telling or something.”_

Marisa scanned the main grounds, but there was not a single hint of a red-white outfit anywhere. _“We talked last night. She said couldn’t wait to see me today…”_ her worried eyes began to glisten, _“so where is she?”_ She took a short breath and shot a tiny puff out of her nostrils.

A man’s voice came from behind. “’scuse me, miss.”

Marisa spun around and quickly stepped out of the way. “Oh—sorry! Am I hoggin’ the road?” She watched him pass for only a moment before staring at the gathered crowd again. _“I’m so used to being the only other person here…”_ A fretful frown began to pull at her lips.

The wrinkled, graying old man took a better look at her, eyes obscured through his thick rectangular glasses. “Ah, Kirisame! I hardly recognized ya you’re sparklin’ so much!”

Marisa turned. _"Do I know this guy...?"_ she thought to herself, giving pause for but a moment as she picked the right smile to wear. “Ohh, today’s special!” She fluffed the bow in her hat. “Be honest, gramps, it’s the hair.” She swooshed her hands through her gleaming golden curls and they smoothly, wavily fluffed like a shimmering curtain. A shower of rainbow-colored stars twinkled off of her with a telltale jingle. Her teeth poked out in an arrogant grin. The tubby little witch stood tall and proud with hands planted on her soft, wide hips. “My hair is magical today.” She snapped her fingers. Her broom flew upward from just beyond the steps and as it passed her palm she gripped it tight. “Knew I was forgetting somethin’.”

“Gosh! You’re dressed to the nines and practically glowing.”

Her eyes closed with the smuggest little smirk. “Thanks, pops,” she said as she puffed out her chest, rubbing her nose with her finger. She was indeed and she knew it. Black kneehigh boots with high heels, tights, and trench coat that draped over a white triple-layer petticoat to just past her knees. Sharp white collared shirt with black necktie. Jeweled star earrings. Makeup so natural it was almost imperceptible. The warm black coat peaked around her shoulders and hugged her curves, and with its belt the only thing tying it shut around her waist, its front opened at perfect angles, neatly baring the petticoats beneath like a layered skirt. With her broom leaning against her forearm, Marisa spread her arms out as if presenting herself to the world, and she sparkled. “I’ve _never_ looked this good.” A single eye opened. “But I could be wrong.”

“You waiting for a boyfriend?”

With a blush and a crooked smile, she slowly poked her fingers together, eyes hiding in a corner. “Heh-hwell, not a boyfriend…”

“Hoh! Shoulda known better than to ask you THAT question!”

Her eyes popped open and a bellowing laugh burst out. **_“D’HAAA, HA-HAAA, HA-HA-HAH,_** _khnk-hnk-hnk-hnk! **”**_ punctuated by what sounded like a long wheezing hiccup. Several people turned and looked. A few of them laughed too. “Aaaah~ I guess the cat’s been outta the bag on that one, boss!” she squealed, eyes shut tight, hands behind her back, grinding the toe of her boot against the frosted brick on which she stood.

“Out of the bag, got a house, and started a family or two!”

She hid behind her envelope, blushing brightly with a shrill giggle. She jolted back from the envelope, looked it over quickly, then cleared her throat and tucked it behind her. “Say, you wouldn’t happen to know why everyone’s gathered here, would ya? There an event today or some’n’?”

“Nah, nothin’ official. Just worshipers gatherin’ cuz the shrine maiden’s been doin’ her job.”

Marisa blinked. “I know y’just got here buuut you wouldn’t happen to know where Reimu is, would ya?”

“Nah, can’t say anyone I know’s seen ‘er all day.”

Marisa blinked again, growing concerned. “Weird…” She pinched her lips between her fingers, seemingly lost in thought.

The old man walked past her. “Well, you have a good one miss. I’ma take care of my business and head on home.”

As he walked away, Marisa’s eyes flicked towards him and watched. _“He had a pin on his lapel. A leaf.”_ She observed his back as he walked away. _“Am I seeing things, or should I trust my instincts?”_ Brown coat to his waist. Tan slacks. A brown handkerchief hanging out of his back pocket. She squinted. Looked harder. Focused.

The handkerchief wasn’t pure brown, it was striped. Brown and tan.

She snapped. _“I knew it. Now the real question is…”_ She raised a hand to her mouth with a coy little grin, “ _is that a minion, or is that her?”_ She called out, “You got a tag stuck to your butt!”

“OH!” Mamizou yelped in her real voice, quickly covering her rear and stuffing her handkerchief into her pocket. Raccoon ears sprung out of her head for a split second. “UHH-THANK Y- ** _A-HEH-HEHM!_** -” She quickly stuffed her grandmotherly twang back behind her gruff disguise. “Hah! Thank ya, miss!”

Marisa frowned intensely. _“I knew it. It’s her. Why would she come here? What’s goin’ on?”_

 _“Wait a sec.”_ Her face flung agape. _“Her coat! Her pocket! I saw somethin’!”_ She squinted again, but she was too far to get a good look. She quickly whipped her brass binoculars out of her pocket and looked, but by the time she got them focused, the old man had vanished into the crowd. She lowered her binoculars with a defeated but undeterred sigh, jets of mist puffing out her nose. “Nuts. Missed it.”

A moment to think and she blinked and shook her head. _“I can’t get distracted and go off on a wild goose chase. Not today. Whatever Mamizou’s here for can wait. I gotta go spend time with Reimu, she’s earned it. She’s been working super hard and I’m sure it’s to surprise me with a gift. She told me to come lookin’ like solid gold, so I did.”_ She raised her binoculars again. _“So… where is she?”_

She looked all around. Left, right, near the tight path with the bushes on the right, on the steps, around the open left bend next to the trees, the veranda on the building in the back. She lowered her binoculars and checked the sky. Behind her.

Nothing.

She stowed the binoculars and glowered with folded arms. _“She better be home. I did not get all dolled up and dig out my sharpest vintage finery for her to-”_ An inaudible gasp rushed into her. She slapped her face into her palm. “THE WINE! GHHHHHHHHHD, I KNEW I WAS FORGETTING SOMETHING!!” She held her temples and her whole body twisted and turned all around and up and down. “THAT WAS THE ONE THING! THE _ONE THING_ SHE’D HAVE LOVED THE MOST!!” All her fingers on one hand pinched around the bridge of her nose. “AN’ IT WAS SO EXPENSIVE!!” Rising level, she sucked air through her teeth before blowing it out an open mouthful of mist and flicking her hand away. “It’s too late. It’s TOO LATE just roll with it!”

Marisa stormed past the worshipers, most of them a head taller than her at the least, toward the left bend to go past the shrine and up to the living space. The only part of her visible in the crowd was her giant hat. “All this stress is gonna mess up my hair. She better be home I tell ya!”

As she neared half past the main shrine building, the sound of sweeping nicked her ears and she gasped through her nose as a surprising warmth rushed through her. She straightened her back and steadied her posture. “ _Just before noon. Even when there’s people out front, she always sweeps the back yard right before lunch, like clockwork. Stresses her out if it doesn’t get done.”_ Her heart thumped against her chest, atwitter. She felt that familiar pang in her chest again and she sighed adoringly.

At the corner of the main building, she stopped and held her pounding heart. Steam puttered out of her nose between shaky breaths.

_“Focus.”_

She closed her eyes and let the sound of sweeping fill her mind. Reimu’s sweeping was always rhythmic. A beat would play out as the broom stroked the brick path, and if Marisa listened long enough, Reimu would start to hum intermittently to the beat she made, the song in her mind escaping bit by bit… that, she thought, would calm her down. Fill her with courage.

But there was no rhythm today, nor song.

Marisa’s eyes opened towards the ground, mouth ajar. _“Somethin’s wrong. That doesn’t sound like Reimu. It’s too monotonous, too much like sweeping, too… boring.”_

_Swsht, swsht, swsht..._

Marisa closed her mouth and straightened up. _“Maybe she’s just tired from having worked all month long.”_ She smiled, _“Maybe this’ll cheer ‘er up!”_ but that optimism didn’t take. _“Or…”_ Her brow wrinkled. _“…maybe she really needs to rest.”_

_Swsht, swsht, swsht..._

Her mind raced away faster than she could chase. _“She’s been working so hard I thought she wouldn’t make it to today. Yesterday I got so worried I just waited for her to come home to make sure she wasn’t gone already.”_

_Swsht, swsht, swsht..._

Her shoulders sank. _“She’s always here to greet me when I come through the gate. She moves Cleaning Time up just to do that. Was she just overwhelmed by all the people out front today, or is that not even her sweeping right now…?”_ Her worried eyes glistened again. _“What’s going on…?”_

_Swsht, swsht, swsht…_

_“Well, I’m not gonna find out by standing around wondering.”_ She shut her eyes and inhaled, stepping around the corner. _“Here goes.”_ Her eyes opened a second later, blinking into focus. Aunn, holding the broom, looked up. She was wearing a red snow jacket today, zipped up to the top, its high collar nearly over her mouth. The two stared in silence for a moment before Marisa’s eyes widened and she spun around quickly. No one. Marisa’s posture sagged into a slouch. _“She’s not even tryin’a startle me today…”_ She squeezed all the breath out of her lungs. _“That’s… worrying.”_

The puppy-cub chirped, beaming a widening smile. “Marisa! You’re looking fancy today!” She sniffed the air, eyes widening. “Is that perfume? I must say, it really suits you!”

Marisa looked around, then up, and back again to Aunn. “Where’s Reimu?”

Aunn’s smile faded. “Oh… she’s not here right now.”

Marisa’s heart sank. “Did she say when she’d be back?”

She shook her head. “Nope. She said, ‘take care of the sweeping’ and took off.”

Marisa gazed in a terrified stupor. _“Why!? Why after working that many days in a row would she push herself that hard without me!? She knows she can depend on me! What’s going on!? Did…”_ she gasped _“was it something I said?”_ Her eyes widened in petrified horror. _“Have I been pushing her too hard to work more? Is this my fault…!?”_ A slow gasp filled her lungs the rest of the way.

Marisa stuffed her letter in her pocket. “I have to bring ‘er home, now!” She hopped on her broom and shot skyward, rising above the clouds until the people below were nothing but specks beneath her. She leveled off and stood atop the broom with impeccable balance, holding her binoculars and looking all around for any signs of a colorful battle. Somewhere, anywhere. She swiveled in place as the broom turned her in circles.

Nothing. Not a single Danmaku duel was going on today at all. Anywhere.

She lowered her binoculars and began to pant. She stowed them again inside of her coat and from within it, she swiped out a glowing white card held between the sides of two fingers. She clapped her hands together as hard as she could. The card blinked away and a thundering bang erupted, a magic circle turning in opposing rotations around her, her coat billowing in the updraft it created. “Come on, babe, come home. You know that I worry. Don’t ignore this today. You’re not in any shape to be working without me.”

She raised her hands skyward. **“LOVE STORM! SOS STARLIGHT TYPHOON!”**

Lines of magic drew themselves in the sky until perfect circles all formed. Stars and lasers in every color of the rainbow erupted in every direction. The crowd below watched in fascination as the colors in the sky reflected off the gathering clouds, bright enough to rival the sun.

Marisa shot a finger to the sky with a snap, and a black dot made of darkness shot out. The light around it twisted and curved around its pull, and as it reached the center of her spell, the stars and lasers were sucked into it alongside the clouds with a loudening hiss. As the last of her magic entered it, all sound fell suddenly silent.

With eyes shut tight, as fast as she could, she snapped and covered her ears.

**_BOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM!!_ **

The blast thundered louder than lightning. The crowd below jolted aback, some of them screaming and falling over in shock. The shockwave made the trees sway in its wake. As the rumbling died down, they looked up again to see a huge golden star burning brightly, alight like a flare, brighter than even the sun.

Marisa opened her eyes again. “Damn. Forgot how loud that was, I was too damn close, even with my magic guard up. Coulda gone deaf. That mess up my hair?” She pulled her mini-hakkero out of her pocket, flipped it over, and its bottom popped open, revealing a mirror. “Good.”

In the slot below the mirror was a picture of Reimu, which caught her attention. Her face wrenched with sadness. Tears formed in her eyes. “Please respond, please.” She convulsed with little whimpers and sniffled.

Far away, the black-haired maiden watched the star burning brightly in the sky. As the distant pop finally reached her, she felt a twinge in her gut, and her face wrenched with sadness as well. “I’m sorry,” she said, “but I can’t come home yet. Just know I’m okay, I’ll be fine. I’m safe where I am. I wish I could signal you back, but my cover will be blown.” She shut her eyes as tears formed in their corners. “I’m sorry to make you worry so much.” She sniffled and opened her eyes once more, clasping her hands against her heart. “The rest is up to you. You can do this, Marisa; I know it. Make us all proud.”


	2. Always on Hard Mode

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With no clues beyond a suspect unaccounted for, Marisa takes chase, catches up, and begins an aggressive interrogation. Aunn seems to be acting strangely as well, seemingly acting under orders from Reimu, but Marisa fails to notice... or has she?

Marisa waited and waited, but her call went unanswered. With a pained whimper, tears slid down her cheeks. “I never shoulda let Mamizou go. I knew she was behind the shenanigans in the village yesterday, but Reimu came home! I thought she took care of it!” She pressed her palms against her eyes. “I was just so happy to have ‘er back…! I didn’t think I was gonna lose ‘er again…!”

She pressed her palms together and bowed her head with eyes shut tight. “Reimu’s god, I know I’m not religious and I know we don’t talk much and I know I don’t leave a lotta money, but if you can hear me, please tell me where Reimu is. Anything, anything! Just gimme a sign. Please…”

She waited, but not even the wind stirred in response.

Marisa opened her eyes again and looked out at the horizon with worry, a puff of breath escaping from between her parted lips. “Do you not know where she is either…?”

A gentle breeze wafted across her cheek.

Marisa gasped. “Was that…” her eyes widened “…a response!?”

Another breeze, slightly stronger, swished past her.

Marisa’s panting grew panicked, shaky and shallow, and her hands began to lower. Her forearm brushed against something firm that crinkled in her pocket as it touched her stomach, and she remembered what was there. Her eyes sharpened with courage, fists clenched, then she took a full breath through her nose and puffed it out all at once. **“I have to go find her!”**

Holding her hat, she hopped off the broom and snatched it on her way down, diving headfirst toward the ground, and as she neared it, she flipped back over and her descent slowed. She spun around and touched down with legs apart. A wave of wind pushed outward as she landed, with not a speck of dust kicking up until the wave reached the brush behind her.

Aunn shielded her eyes, then waited expectantly with bated breath.

Marisa lifted her head, eyes alight with resolve. “I’ll be back. If she comes home, tell her I’m lookin’ for ‘er and to gimme our signal so I can come home.” She turned toward the front gate and took a step.

Aunn stuttered, “A-a-are you sure?”

Marisa stopped and glanced sideways.

“I’m sure she’ll be back soon! She knows you come right before noon every year…! Uhhh… did you want to wait inside for her?”

Marisa stood firm and swiped her hand aside. “Nah. She’s been working so hard I’m worried she’s gonna _die_ of exhaustion, I _gotta_ go look for her, if only to bring her to the doctor if she collapses,” tears once again pooled in her eyes, “and I hope I’m not already too late to save ‘er.” She flipped her scarf around her neck and marched off around the corner back the way she came, blowing a hard puff of mist out her nose.

Aunn’s lip quivered as Marisa vanished around the corner. _“I knew this wouldn’t work… but Reimu? It wasn’t because she gave up or didn’t care. It was because she cared too much. Don’t do anything rash.”_ She clenched her hand gently and it warmly glowed with red light. _“I won’t give you the signal yet, Reimu. She hasn’t failed, she’s not giving up, she’s looking for you, she’s just going the wrong way.”_

After a moment, Aunn gasped and jolted upright in shock and disbelief. _“Wait… no she’s not. From the torii… that’s… the left side of the shrine! She didn’t take off flying, she’s going back the way she came! How did you know? How did you KNOW she would do that!? She’s going to run right into-”_ Aunn gasped a full breath and stared as the realization sank in. “She’s going to do it.”

Marisa marched as hard as her legs could carry her, eyes forward with focused determination. “This is bad. I let my only suspect walk away and I don’t got even the slightest clue where-”

The old man brushed past her again.

 _“Sloppy.”_ Marisa’s eyes burned wildly and she snatched the old man by the sleeve as he passed.

He tensed and stammered. “—uhh, can I help you, miss?”

She didn’t turn. “This way’s off-limits, pal. Business end of the shrine’s back that way. There’s no party today. No need to go back there. You said so yourself.”

“Oh, uh, well… I got lost, y’see… but… thanks to you, I…!”

Marisa snatched Mamizou’s old man disguise by the ear, turned around, and pulled.

 **“ _WAAAH!_ ”** Mamizou’s curly lips and fluffy ears popped out and she bent to near a right angle to not get left behind.

Marisa pulled her screaming around the corner and marched her behind the building, away from prying eyes. “Drop it, bitch, you know I saw your tail.”

“AAAAAA OKAY OKAY OKAY I SURRENDER!” In a blast of smoke, Mamizou dropped her disguise.

Aunn gaped, watching the two. _“Oh my gods she found it. The hard path. How did she know? How did she do that? How did EITHER of them do that!? I’ve got to ask her if she does this.”_ Aunn pumped her fist and resumed her sweeping. _“I’m rooting for you Marisa, you’ve already impressed me. I didn’t think anyone could even do THAT part. Let’s see if you’ve got what it takes to finish.”_ Aunn stared off into the distance with a proud smile. _“Those girls are brilliant.”_

As the smoke around Mamizou cleared, she straightened her pince-nez, looking down at the frowning blonde witch that stood nearly head and shoulders beneath her. She huffed, “Ooh! Pushy today, aren’t you.”

Marisa grabbed her shoulder and shoved her.

 **“WAAH-!”** She caught her pince-nez by the bridge as it tumbled off her nose before she slammed against the wall behind her. “Easy, sparky, there’s no need for that! I’m willin’ to cooperate if y’just—” Mamizou smiled and looked straight ahead in a deadpan stare. “You never miss an opportunity, do you?”

Marisa watched her hand as she ground her thumb and forefinger like striking a lighter and a spray of sparks followed. “I never miss, no.”

Mamizou slowly closed her eyes. “I should’ve picked my words more carefully.”

“Good plan.” Marisa watched the sparks fly as she struck a few more times. “I won’t keep you long, I just wanna ask a few questions.”

Mamizou spread her forearms. “Could ya at least stand on the broom and meet me eye to eye so I don’t have to crane m’neck s’far down?”

Marisa’s eyes turned upwards and glared at her. “I’m runnin’ this interrogation, not you.” She struck her thumb one last time and the sparks lit a heatless flame that burned in the palm of her hand. Marisa watched the flame flicker intently, rocking it around in a gentle circle. “So. What brings you out here? Back here in particular.”

She shrugged and shook her head indignantly. “Lookin’ for Reimu, same as you, I presume.”

The flame’s color changed to blue pink and white from edge to center. “What’s she been doin’ all month? Besides work in the village, I mean, ‘cuz I’ve seen ‘er and you know it, I know you know it.”

Mamizou squinted and jiggled her head vigorously. “Why would I know anything about that!?”

The flame changed color again, purple orange and white. She looked her in the eye and raised her voice. “I dunno, why _would_ the head of one of the biggest fucking spy networks in all of Gensokyo want to keep tabs on anything about the Hakurei Shrine Maiden!?” The fire went out and she snapped again, and a glowing, rotating star with a small hakkero-shaped center appeared in midair. She caught one of its arms against its rotation with the tip of her finger. “w’kinda stupid question is that!?” She flicked her wrist forward and spun the star as hard as she could, its arms a whizzing blur. The center remained perfectly stationary.

Mamizou gestured dismissively at the star. “Is that supposed to be threatening?”

Marisa smiled at the spinning star and pinched the toy by its center, careful not to stop its rotation. “Nah, it just helps me focus.” She watched it comfortably and twisted it back and forth. “It’s heavier than it looks. Feels nice.” She waved it around, watching it spin as everyone else stood in silence.

Mamizou waited for another question but nothing came. “Uh…”

Marisa jolted back to Earth. “Where was I!?” The whizzing star was the only sound in the air as her eyes swiveled around, searching for the thought, her mouth hanging open.

Mamizou’s eyes rolled a full half-circle. Behind Marisa, Aunn gaped, then sighed. _“Come on, Marisa, don’t do that now…”_

Marisa blinked, then let go of her broom, snapping and holding up a finger. “Right!” Her broom clattered to the ground. She pointed accusingly at Mamizou with her freed-up hand. “You were trying to bullshit me and I wasn’t buying it.”

Mamizou stared straight ahead and her eyes glazed over with a sigh.

“Don’t play dumb with me.” Marisa jabbed her star at Mamizou. “You think I’m a fucking clown?”

Mamizou smiled without a word.

She growled, chewing her words and spitting them out, “why wouldn’t you know, Mamizou?”

Mamizou blinked and shook her head. “We don’t keep _that_ close an eye on her. Believe it or not, this little world does not revolve around her, even if yours does.”

Marisa seethed and blew mist out her nose.

Mamizou held her cool. “I have to play to the bigger picture. We can’t afford to waste all our resources watching one person all day, even if she is a VIP.” Mamizou smirked and flicked the star away, and it clattered to the ground and disappeared in a puff of sparkles. She looked down her nose at the little blonde witch. “Unlike you.”

Marisa’s fist slowly clenched until it trembled then she pounded the wall. Rage flared in her eyes and bubbled up through her shout as she flicked her thumb towards herself, **“I am the most important person in the WORLD to her,”** she jabbed her own chest with her fist, **“and I think that counts for something,”** she swiped her finger around in front of her face, **“but there are many, MANY reasons”** she pointed at herself, **“why I matter,”** and forced her finger further and further into Mamizou’s face, **“and you ought to show me some respect, you snooty trash panda!”**

Mamizou didn’t bat an eye at any of her gestures and lolled her head dismissively. “Oh, whatever, sweetheart.” She straightened her gaze and her tone grew smug, her whole body growing more and more intense as she went. “You might have a few spells that kick, but there are people out front today, so if you make too much of a scene, they’ll get scared and go home and take their donations with them, and I don’t think your little honey would like that very much, because she’s been working ever so hard to make them come, and you wouldn’t want to disappoint her on Valentine’s day.” Mamizou bared her teeth. “I’m not afraid of _you._ Especially not today. You’re playing _my_ game now and I’m not going to lose to a _maggot_ like you.”

Marisa’s eyes darkened. “I don’t need to make a light show to light you up, I just think it’s fun.” Marisa snapped in Mamizou’s face and a painful spark of electricity popped her in the nose.

Mamizou flinched as it hit her and a snarl curled into her lip. “Don’t do that again.”

Marisa snarled as well. “Then start making sense.”

Mamizou shook her head. “What hasn’t made sense to you!?”

Marisa pushed her face directly into Mamizou’s and rattled off in a rapid fury, “you got eyes and ears in every store in every shop in every boutique in every NOOK! AND! FUC-KING! CRANNY! OF THIS GODDAMN TOWN!” Marisa’s voice began to crack **“AND YOU’RE TELLING ME YOU DON’T KNOW _A-NY-THING!?”_**

Mamizou pushed her back and smirked again. “I never said that, honey, you just asked me a **stupid question.** You asked me what she’s been doing all this time besides work in the village because you didn’t want to hear that answer, but you know what my girls have told me she’s been doing besides working there all this time? Nothing.”

Marisa’s eyes and mouth popped open in surprise.

“She’s been finishing one job and then doing another.”

Marisa’s mouth dragged further open and let in a gasp, her eyes wide open in desperate horror.

Mamizou raised a finger. “Each day went like this:”

Marisa had frozen completely.

Mamizou shut her eyes. “She babbles in town about religion for hours in different locations so she covers a bigger area, and then when she runs out of material she gets side jobs at the stores. She does those and then comes home, and I don’t know what she does after that because what she does behind closed doors at home is none of my business.”

Marisa slapped a hand to her temple, still agape and otherwise not moving a muscle.

Mamizou looked down her nose. “I know better than to stick my nose in her private affairs. She’s still the Hakurei Shrine Maiden, and I have to respect that. Bad for business otherwise.”

Marisa’s other hand slapped to her other temple and her arms began to tremble.

Mamizou closed her eyes again. “Of course, she gets fired from those jobs after a day or two because she either dawdles and only does one thing all day, or she gets snippy with the rude customers, so she has to get new jobs. So she did. She’s been doing that every day since the first of February until today.”

Marisa began to writhe in a worried panic. “That’s too much!” She shook her head, hands still there. “Holy shit, that’s a lotta work for one day, let alone almost two weeks straight…!”

Mamizou opened her eyes and smiled.

Marisa panted hard and turned away, her breath puffing out in thick clouds. She shut her eyes tight and her voice quivered, “Reimu don’t die today. _Please._ Just sleep! Just go to sleep somewhere! Don’t die! Please…”

Mamizou huffed pompously. “Can I go now?”

Marisa hardened again and turned back to her. “No. Because I’ve caught you in a lie, Mamizou. She _didn’t_ come to the village yesterday...”

Mamizou’s eyes widened momentarily.

Marisa smirked. “…but I did notice someone who looked just like ‘er.”

Mamizou’s eyes swiveled around but made contact again.

“She didn’t fool me for a second. Her eyes seemed tired but she was way too energetic for someone who’s been working nonstop for twelve days. Too animated. Reimu can do that, but when she’s tired, she gets stiff, wooden, and unexpressive, her eyes never open more than halfway, and she won’t smile until something makes her happy. This girl was all smiles.”

Mamizou took a deep but subtle breath.

Marisa folded her arms. “I waved to ‘er. She waved back. Reimu never does that, she blushes and looks around and pretends to turn away while aiming her body right toward me ‘cuz she gets nervous about being seen flirting with me in public. She has issues ‘cuz of something she can’t even tell _me_ about, and she’s told me about it so I don’t take it personally, and I don’t.” Marisa shrugged one shoulder and tilted her head that way. “I forgive ‘er, I think it’s adorable.”

Mamizou blinked. “Mm.”

Marisa casually pointed. “I blew ‘er a kiss. She caught it.” She waved her finger side to side. “Reimu never catches my kisses,” she flicked her hands open, “she reacts the same way every time:”

Mamizou watched as Marisa turned and started to pace.

Marisa looked up at the sky as she mimed her actions. “She sees it, freezes, stares, blushes, then looks down and away with her pinkies hooked around each other,” she beamed with joy “and she _tries_ not to smile, but she can’t help it, so she does.” Marisa slapped her hands against her lap with a huge happy smile. “It’s A-DORABLE.” She tossed her hands up past her chest before clasping them and twisting side to side. “I LIVE for her reaction and she knows it,” she raised a finger “cuz if she sees my smile after that she’ll giggle and cover her face and blush even more!” She covered her cheeks and winced with a lighthearted smile. “Ohh, I lov’er so much!”

Marisa’s smile suddenly blasted away and she glared, speaking in a low rumble. “Your girl caught. my. kiss.”

Mamizou’s back slowly shifted up and away.

Her finger rocked side to side. “And I immediately knew it was not. Reimu.” Her roar gurgled in the back of her throat as she flung her fists downward and leaned in, stomping her foot. “She would NEVER DO THAT! NOT IN FRONT OF PEOPLE!” Tears of rage trickled down her cheeks and her whole arm trembled as she flicked her thumb towards her chest. “I felt SICK to my stomach that I had given even a SLIVER of my affection,” she slapped her chest with both hands, “my LOVE,” she swung her fist at the ground, “to an IMPOSTER!”

Mamizou half-smiled. “It may surprise you to know, but not _every_ Tanuki answers to me.” A finger raised. “ _Almost_ , I’m working on it, but—”

Marisa seethed. “I’m aware, but your gang has two calling cards: earthy tan and brown on your clothes, and a green leaf with a round chunk missing.” Marisa pointed at a spot on the back of her head and her finger tremored. “Her leaf was hidden pretty well, but I caught it tucked between her head and her big red ribbon, and it definitely had a missing chunk.” She swiped both her hands past her backside. “And the back of her skirt had a stylish pattern on it. Tan and brown.” She bared her teeth and spat her words in her face. “But I knew she wasn’t you cuz you know us, and what kinda joker thinks _I’m_ not gonna look?”

Mamizou’s back touched the wall and she began to blink just a little faster.

Marisa’s growl burned with guttural fury. “And now I see you starting to fidget.” She drew her hand back and pointed as hard as she could as she hissed, “That _was_ your minion!”

Mamizou eyes began to widen again, unblinking.

Marisa’s fury bent away into grieving sadness. “And you know what I thought!?” Her tears began to flow freely. “I thought she’d died, Mamizou!”

Mamizou gasped in shock.

Marisa’s jaw clenched, and her eyes squeezed shut as she pointed. “And I thought that you were covering it up to not cause a panic while the Youkai found a replacement!”

Mamizou guiltily glanced away, head shrinking into her shoulders.

She pulled her eyes open as far as she could muster. “What else could it be?” She turned away and hung her head as tears fell from her eyes and onto the patio. “You wouldn’t’ve let your minions run amok in the village unless you knew she wouldn’t be there, and she’d been there every day! I came here early yesterday to check on ‘er, ‘cuz of course I was worried, but she was gone already, not even ‘er futon was out.”

Aunn, behind her, looked away and stopped sweeping.

Marisa looked up, desperation piling on. “I asked everyone I knew where Reimu was, all over Gensokyo, and they all said she was in the village, but I knew that wasn’t her!” She frantically gestured to and fro. “I searched high and low until the sun set,” she hung her head again, “then I came back here and just lied on the floor crying.” Marisa’s tears trickled onto the ground. “I still hoped she was gonna come home, but I thought for sure this’d be the last time I ever came here—what else was left for me here without her?—and in my heart I was saying my last goodbye…” Marisa’s eyes pressed shut and she fell to her knees on all fours, sobbing as her tears fell out of her eyes in a drizzle.

Mamizou looked away with a resigned sigh.

Marisa turned to Mamizou once more and sat with her legs folded, eyes still damp and swollen. “I was so relieved when she came home that night.” A light smile touched her face. “I got a good nose, so as soon as she walked in, the smell of ‘er reached me, and my heart shot skyward.” Her smile grew. “Thought at first I was seein’ a ghost, but she was so warm. Thought I might be dreaming, so I asked ‘er to pinch me.” Marisa caressed her hand against her own chubby cheek, her smile fighting the tears waiting to escape. “She pinched my cheek, just a little bit.” Tears rolled down the bridge of her nose. “She touches my cheeks to tell me she loves me when she can’t get the words out.”

Mamizou covered her mouth.

Marisa heaved. “She’s done that since before we even started dating.” A shaky sigh. “I know why she does it. She thinks I’m soft and cute but doesn’t want to offend me, so she goes for my cheeks cuz that’s cute and romantic. Tickles me pink every time.” Whimpers squeezed out of her chest as her whole face clenched. “She’s so perfect I tell ya…!”

Aunn, behind her, nodded. _“A blessing.”_ Once more she started to sweep in place.

With one last sigh, Marisa started to regain her composure, still looking at the ground. “I know I’m getting distracted, I do, but I’m just so worried about ‘er.” She took out her Hakkero and popped open its bottom to look at the picture of Reimu within. “She told me she’d be excited to see me today. Said she had some’n’ special for me, that we’d be playin’ a game she was certain I couldn’t beat. Even told me what to wear. Now I’m here and she’s not.” Marisa swung the Hakkero closed and held it tight, her eyes locking onto Mamizou once more. “But you are.” Marisa stood up, resolve pushing its way back into focus.

Mamizou blinked, eyes widening as she glanced around.

Marisa leaned forward and stood on her heels, balancing on their tips with uncanny precision. She folded her arms, giving the impression she was leaning her rear against an invisible table. “I asked Reimu about that Tanuki in town, and the answer she gave me was plausible enough.”

The tension in Mamizou’s chest unwound and she relaxed.

Marisa snapped again. A new flame lit in the palm of her hand and she watched it. “She said she couldn’t take it anymore and decided to nap at an inn all day. Those’re normally for people from outside the village doing business in town.” Marisa looked at Mamizou with a self-important smirk. “And wouldn’t ya know it? Perfect description of what she was doing.”

She looked once more at the flame, which smoothly streamed through every color of the rainbow outward from its center. “She babbled a bit, then said the Tanuki in town musta moved in while she was asleep.” Marisa huffed. “Yeah. Worry me half to death over a fuckup, that does sound like her.” She stared at Mamizou with a growing grin, the flame held just beneath her face. “Guess that solves that mystey, don’ it?”

Mamizou remained silent.

“It would…” She closed her fist and the flame went out. “…if she’d been telling the truth.”

Mamizou sighed.

“She is the most obvious liar in the world. Her-”

Mamizou nodded. “Yes, she is, she flails around sweating like she’s trying to dodge the guilt as it flies at her and ends up colliding with every single ray,” Mamizou massaged around her glasses and shook her head, “and I swear to goodness, adorable as some of that was, if I hear one more long-winded info dump about every little thing she does, I’m just going to scream,” her wrists flicked upward, “so yes, she was lying.”

Marisa’s eye flicked sideways for a moment and her posture flattened out again. “Well, I’d also checked-”

Mamizou raised her voice with her eyes rolled straight up. “Yes, you said you checked everywhere already, and I’ll assume that included the inns that she was lying about and everything else it could have been.” Her eyes flicked downward. “Good work, detective! But I can explain.” Her smirk returned. “I was the one she asked to house her, and she was the one who requested my agent’s assistance.”

Marisa’s eyes momentarily popped open in surprise, then she slowly blinked and turned away in anger, folding her arms.

Mamizou looked down her nose. “She arranged it night before last, as a matter of fact.”

Marisa glanced out the sides of her eyes stared at the buttons on Mamizou’s coat, still glaring.

“Why would she do that? Several reasons.” Mamizou’s hand smoothly glided out to her side and she strolled away. Marisa’s eyes followed, but she made no effort to turn. “One, she knew she needed to rest, uninterrupted, with all her needs taken care of,” she shook her head with feigned concern, “but people always come to visit, and if word got out she was resting at home, she feared people would gather all at once to catch up with her, pamper her, and surround her with love.” Mamizou spread her arms and looked up to the sky as though basking in that love. Looking at Marisa, she shook her head. “She couldn’t deal with that. She needed to be alone, in darkness, and in peace and quiet, or she was going to die. For real.”

Marisa’s expression grew ragged.

“Yukari is too unreliable, so she had no choice but to turn to me.”

Marisa’s shoulders deflated.

Two fingers. “Two, she didn’t want to worry you, as she _was_ in _poor_ condition.”

Marisa turned to Mamizou with undivided attention.

“She is normally a mid-shade of brown, but when I arrived, she was paler than you and truly dying. Nearly a ghost already. When she passed out in the middle of speaking, I really thought she had breathed her last until she started snoring.”

Marisa eyes affixed in aghast contemplation.

“If you saw her in the condition she was in, she knew you wouldn’t have left her side until morning today at the very least. Of course, that part backfired and she ended up worrying you even more, but that’s not my problem; I did what was asked of me. I _was_ behind yesterday, but today…” she took out her pipe and gingerly set it in the corner of her lips, “even I truly don’t know where she is.”

Marisa frowned at her. “That stuff’s bad for ya.”

She nodded. “Even secondhand!” Still smiling, Mamizou took out a Zippo lighter, ornately engraved with a Tanuki leaf. “For humans.” She flicked it open, lit the tobacco, and took a deep pull, eyes closed and satisfied.

Marisa indignantly planted her fists on her hips.

Mamizou strolled back toward her and looked down as she took the pipe out of her mouth. “Tell you what, hon,” she blew all the smoke directly into Marisa’s face, making her cough, “the faster you get this over with,” she bent down, nose-to-nose, “the less of this stuff you’ll have to breathe.” She jabbed Marisa’s forehead with the mouthpiece and Marisa tried to swipe it away, but Mamizou jerked it back and stood tall once more, sauntering to the wall and leaning against it.

Marisa aimed her mini-hakkero toward her own face and it gently blew wind as though an invisible fan had switched on. “Never thought I’d use this setting in winter… least the air’s cold enough that it won’t use any juice.”

Mamizou casually blew rings of smoke as she idled against the wall.

Marisa walked back in front of her and blew the rings away. “So you’re not behind today, but you said you came here looking for ‘er. Why?”

Mamizou blew a ball of smoke away from the wind and it changed midflight into a Tanuki that scurried through the air back toward and around them. “I need to give her something.”

Marisa’s eyes widened. _“Right…”_ She looked at Mamizou’s pocket, whose contents she’d missed earlier, and saw the tip of a white corner of an envelope just barely poking out. As Mamizou idly reclined against the wall, holding her pipe and ready to take another pull, that white corner caught the wall and faced that whole side of her coat outward. Marisa could clearly see its whole rectangular outline.

Marisa pointed at it with a grin. “Like a letter?”

Mamizou gasped.

Marisa’s grin widened enough to bare her little fang and she winked with a _tsk_. “Let’s talk about that.”


	3. Claws and Teeth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mamizou bares her fangs and shows Marisa exactly why she's the boss.

Mamizou watched Marisa from the corner of her eye like she’d spotted a bee, breath still, waiting for it to move, hoping it would just fly away.

Marisa tilted her head and her teeth slid out from under her cocky smirk. “What’s the matter, Granny Smith, y’havin’ a stroke?”

Mamizou scowled.

Marisa beckoned, curling her finger towards her. “Let’s talk about that envelope.”

Mamizou covered it up. “What’s in my pocket is none of your beeswax, punk.” Mamizou began to slide away with her back against the wall and Marisa slammed her palm in her path. Mamizou’s eyes shifted. “It’s official business! It is not for your eyes to see and there is nothing in here that could _possibly_ lead you to Reimu!”

Marisa nodded and glanced away. “Mmkay. I respect it, you’re the boss, you gotta be a professional and keep those secrets, but listen…” She shook her head slowly, speaking with an uncharacteristic hush. “I really don’t care about your secrets. If I took a look at ‘em and didn’t find anything, I’d prolly forget what I saw and you know it.”

Mamizou’s breathing shuddered.

“I need to find my girlfriend, _urgently_ , and you’re still suspect number one in her disappearance.” Marisa’s quiet voice darkened, but still she smiled. “If you were really lookin’ for her, you wouldn’t be fightin’ me, you’d be helping me out ‘cuz you got a thing to deliver and the Hakurei Shrine Maiden’s fucking missing. That’s a red alert. She’s so good for business I get mad at ‘er for it.”

Mamizou’s eyes widened and a bead of sweat slid down her temple.

Marisa’s hands slid up and out to her sides. “Not at everything of course, ‘cuz it’s not just that she’s too nice to the Youkai, she’s predictable. Easy to make plans around.” She flicked her hand forward and held up a finger. “Everything’s on a schedule, every thought goes through the same flow chart in ‘er head.” She tapped her temple. “It’s adorable.” Marisa smiled ominously. “And if she dies, it’s the end of a golden era for you, and you’ll have to scramble to adapt every little procedure you got around her replacement and the culture she’s gonna preside over, and since you seem to be in no big hurry, I’m not sure if I believe a word you’ve said.”

Mamizou’s glasses began to fog as sweat trickled and dripped down her face.

“I can’t leave anything to chance. Anything at all could be in that envelope, so I gotta open ‘er up and look.” She slyly winked. “Nothin’ personal.”

Mamizou’s face wrinkled as it twisted with fury. “If you touch it, I’ll kill you!”

Marisa snapped toward the ground with feigned concern as she lifted her hand off the wall. “ _Tsk,_ oooh, I do like living…” Marisa stepped back and looked all around, at the ground, at Aunn, and at the seat of her own trench coat, seeming pleased, “…but we’ll see if that threat holds up or not.” Marisa looked over to Aunn once more and winked.

Aunn blinked, and watched.

Mamizou chuckled, eyes ablaze with fearful fury. “What could you possibly be talking about!? You can’t just blow me away with your magic to get it, you’ll destroy it whether I want you to or not!”

Marisa nodded, looking away. “You’re right, you’re… right.” With a distant smile that didn’t seem to connect to her face, she slid her hakkero into her pocket.

Aunn gasped.

As Marisa’s hand reemerged it gave a small quiver, clenched weakly, and sat at her side against her hip. Her leather glove creaked as her thumb slid against the side of her finger.

Thick smoke jet out of Mamizou’s nose and she smiled. “Do you think I’m going to just let you have it?”

Marisa nodded brightly. “I’m countin’ on it, actually!”

“Hahahahaha.” Mamizou’s laugh mocked the very air the words had reached her ears upon. “I will not let it go without a fight to the death.”

Marisa swished her hand in front of her face. “We don’t have to do that.”

Mamizou shook her head and smiled with frenzied intensity. “No, no, you’ve put me in the mood for a juicy little snack.” She took a step forward and Marisa stepped back.

“Me?” Marisa smiled and blushed. “Aw gosh, you’re too much!” She giggled and scratched the back of her head. “Aha! Ahaha! Haha! I mean you’re a little _old_ for me, but if that’s what’s on the table…”

Mamizou glowered with unamused discontent and Marisa’s smiling lips pinched shut as she trembled with stifled laughter. Mamizou bit into her mouthpiece, smoke puffing out the side of her mouth.

Marisa snapped with both hands and a twinkling rainbow arched between them, and as the ends of it met in the middle, it popped and sparkled as a glowing rainbow slinky took its place. Her eyes half-closed, she smiled seductively and purred, “I’m talented, flexible, and I can do all sortsa tricks.” Grinning, she flicked her wrists and turned her arms around her and the slinky artfully curved and smoothly twisted through the air. Mamizou swiped her hand through it and Marisa shrank away sheepishly as it disintegrated into a shower of colorful sparks. “Okay, valid, not everyone’s into toys.”

Mamizou’s eyes flared. “You are a _fool,_ a _cretin,_ a _scatterbrain_ who’d be lucky to aspire to join the circus,” Mamizou’s sudden hush twisted like a knife, “yet you fancy yourself a hero.”

Marisa pointed. “Heroine.”

Mamizou’s eyes fluttered upward inside her head, and with a rotten smile her hands glided outward and she bowed ever so slightly as disdain dripped from her fangs like venom. “Oh do forgive me.”

Marisa plopped her fists on her hips. “Well make fun of me all you want, everyone does it, I got a sense of humor,” she pointed in her face, “but don’t misgender me ya testicle-tailed bitch, it’s not funny!”

Mamizou blew a cloud of smoke in her face and Marisa shut her eyes and coughed as it thickened to a blinding consistency, spreading and strangling the air around them. Marisa opened her eyes and turned every which way, and saw nothing but a thick gray haze that swallowed even the sun above. Through it, Mamizou’s voice boomed all around her. **“I don’t think you grasp who or what you’re dealing with.”** Marisa jumped. **“I am ancient. Eternal. Powerful enough that even common sense cannot destroy me.”**

Marisa slowly turned and watched for movement, covering her nose and mouth with her scarf.

**“I was summoned here from the world outside by Gensokyo’s Youkai to defeat a mighty foe that they together could not. Do not think for even a moment that besting me in a game of colorful high-stakes dodgeball makes you big enough to disrespect me this way.”**

Smoke coalesced and Mamizou’s form appeared. Marisa jolted back and her scarf slipped as she gasped, a breath full of smoke rushed in, and she coughed as she stumbled backward. The tip of her heel landed on her broom handle, it slipped off the side, and she lost her balance and fell on her back. Mixed in the tobacco, a strange soapy fragrance wafted from the ground beneath her. Marisa slid her hand on the ground and looked at her palm until the thud of Mamizou’s footfall snatched her attention.

Light glinted off of Mamizou’s glasses. “I’ve been jostled and mocked and had my precious time wasted by you. Yet I’ve been a good sport.” She tilted her head back and looked down her nose, unveiling eyes that burned with contempt. “It’s more than you deserve.”

Marisa shivered and shrank against the ground, sliding her hand around the handle of her broom.

Mamizou bared her fangs and roared, looming over her, **“I am more than just a Youkai!”** Marisa shut her eyes and hid beneath her arms. **“I am the ALPHA Tanuki!** **The QUEEN of my kind!”**

Marisa sprung off her back, leaped to her feet, and desperately swung her broom down on her. **_“NNNRAAH-!”_** As it collided it passed through harmlessly, and her form vanished into smoke once more. Marisa looked around, but smoke was all she saw.

**“I am the tricks your mind plays on you. Things that humans thought they saw. Too proud to admit their mistakes, I was born of their hubris. Ever will I remain. You are but a speck of dust on the ass of an insect compared to me.”**

Marisa held her broom closely and quivered.

 **“I know secrets even Yukari does not. Gensokyo’s secrets. _Y_ _our_ secrets. Things that could obliterate what little pride you get to have.”** Mamizou formed in the smoke and her feral features began to push their way out, her teeth a gleaming sneer. **“I know even your dead name.”** Sharp claws burst out of her nails.

Marisa squeezed her broom and shut her eyes with a terrified whimper.

 ** _“I am the greatness of the Tanuki incarnate! Feared for more than just claws and teeth! I am a force of nature!”_** Smoke wisped past her and she vanished again. The air around her whispered with her voice. “I can destroy you in innumerable ways and no one would even suspect that I’d done it, and at your funeral they would weep at the unforeseeable tragedy that had taken you before your time.”

Marisa shivered against her broom. _“I can’t run away, not this time, I gotta know, I gotta know what she’s hiding I tell ya…”_ She took a breath but coughed instead. _“I made a plan, and it’s working, I just gotta be strong enough to see it through…”_ She held her hakkero to her face, and with its gentle wind blowing, the smoke cleared enough for her to shakily breathe. _“Be strong be strong be strong be strong be strong…”_ Eyes opened. She took a deep breath, stowed her hakkero, leaped off the ground and spun as she slashed her broom through the air around in a circle and a gust of wind pushed the smoke aside.

Marisa landed on her feet as the air around her cleared, smoke gathering at her heels. “I’m not afraid o’ you! If you were gonna eat me you’d’a done it by now! All you’ve done is blow smoke up my ass to scare me, and I know exactly why!”

 **“Whatever delusion you’re entertaining this time, it’s because terrified humans are far more delicious.”** Swirling smoke formed the feral beast once more beside the back wall of the shrine.

Marisa turned to her, cocked an eyebrow, and straightened her hat. “Hate to break it to ya, but you missed your window ‘bout five seconds ago.”

Mamizou hissed, **“A meal should not presume to tell the gourmand how best to eat it!”** Her claw flicked forward and stopped an inch from Marisa’s nose, but Marisa didn’t blink. **_“I eat fattened little grubs like you by the dozen!”_**

“Hah!” Marisa smiled. “Ahh man, claws out ‘n’ goin’ for my soft underbelly.” She looked down and rested both hands on her stomach.

Mamizou’s eye twitched and she snarled.

Marisa’s head shook with pity. “You _must_ be up against the wall.”

Mamizou threw her hands against her face, teeth clenched tightly, and an inhuman growl rumbled in her throat.

Marisa winked and wagged her finger. “I never miss~”

 **“ _ENOOOOOOOOOOOOOUGH!_** ” Mamizou shouted and lunged, making Marisa flinch, then she stopped and fearfully watched something further away. Eyes opened, Marisa turned, and saw.

The subtle muted wrath in Aunn’s death glare sent a chill down _her_ spine. Eyes aglow with a serious stillness, joyless and stoic. It felt as though the air and even time itself around her had turned to stone. Her shadow grew, first in length, but then in immensity. The form of a gargantuan beast darkened behind her. Marisa swore she heard the clicking purr of a lion’s breath echo in the back of her mind.

Mamizou’s feral features began to recede beneath her unassuming human form, quaking as she stopped to catch her breath.

Marisa folded her arms proudly and glanced toward Aunn, then back to Mamizou. She waited patiently for another response with a bright and happy smile, but Mamizou only panted. “You done?”

Mamizou settled herself and stood silently.

“Cool.” Marisa snapped and flicked her thumb behind her. “She’s been sweeping that same spot since I got here.”

Aunn smirked and Mamizou’s eyes sprung wide open.

Marisa sat on her broom with one ankle resting on her knee, her hands gesturing in beat with her statements. “Reimu might do that ‘cuz she’s not really sweeping, she’s playing, daydreaming, dancing, hearing the song in ‘er head.” Marisa turned to Aunn. “Not her though. She’s a good girl.”

Aunn looked away and gazed into the distance with a wistful smile.

“She can mirror her form and get twice as much work done at once, so she does, and she does not hold back,” Marisa said as her finger whipped side to side. “She will do a job so perfectly you’re shocked it coulda gotten done in so little time, and then she’ll move on and do a couple others you didn’t even tell ‘er to do.”

Mamizou stammered and shakily lifted her hands. “—Wuh—"

Marisa’s eyes pierced the air. “But let’s say for the sake of argument she might only be standing there ‘cuz we interrupted her and she’s just been waiting for us to move. I can prove that’s not it.”

Marisa turned away from Mamizou, stood up, and walked a few steps, planting the tip of the broom’s handle on the ground. She turned her head to Mamizou with her hip out to the side, smoothing the pristine black coat along her curves. “Look at my ass.”

Mamizou shut her eyes, and as her head waved with angered confusion they pried back open. “Why…?”

Marisa smugly shrugged with her free hand. “Notice anything unusual about it?”

Mamizou frowned. “Other than its size, you mean?”

Marisa blushed and giggled, hand gently clenched near her cheek. _“Khnk-hnk-hnk!”_ She turned again with a smile. “You may admire its size, and you may smack it…” she held up a finger and winked, “ _once_.”

Mamizou rolled her eyes.

“But nah, that’s not what I’m lookin’ for.” She rested a hand on her hip towards the back. “I’m wearin’ a gorgeous black trench coat, the prize of my collection, but I did somethin’ mighty foolish earlier. I sat on the ground.” She smiled brightly. “Falling might get it a _little_ dirty, but sitting down’ll attract dust like a magnet and leave an embarrassing little outline, and with as much soft weight as I got back here, there’s no helpin’ it, if there’s dust I’ll catch it and it’s not comin’ off. But look.” She pat her rear proudly. “Not a speck.” She wagged her finger. “I did not remember to brush any off, and I checked myself before the action started happening.”

Mamizou tensed with worry.

Marisa turned around with an ominous smile and sauntered back with a feminine sway. “I mighta made a couple gusts today, but wind alone wouldn’t get the patio _this_ clean.” She swiped her gloved hand along the ground and displayed the tip of her finger in Mamizou’s face. “It passes the glove test…” eyes closed, she smelled her glove, and her eyes slid open again “…and it smells fantastic. It’s already been swept, scrubbed, and _polished.”_ She flicked her finger at Mamizou’s face and she flinched. “It’s so clean I could wash my ass on it and eat breakfast off of it _in that order.”_ Thrice she prodded her finger on Mamizou’s chest in beat with her words. “Broom’s prolly dirtier than the ground. There is no reason for her to be sweeping at all.”

Mamizou’s breathing started to quicken.

“Unless she’s waiting for someone.”

Eyes widened.

“To make a delivery.”

Sweat dotted her face.

“If she eats you, she’ll eat the envelope too, which is why she didn’t pounce.”

Her mouth dangled open and her panting grew harder.

“And since you were talkin’ all that good shit a second ago and now I got you sweatin’ danmaku and your mouth’s hangin’ open with nothin’ comin’ out but silent little _‘oh shit’_ s, I musta nailed it.”

All her breath pushed out.

“So since you’re just gonna give it to ‘er anyway, I don’t need _your_ permission to take the envelope, I need _hers.”_

Inevitability flashed before her eyes. _“Oh no…”_

Marisa turned around and smiled at Aunn. “Mind if I open ‘er up and take a peek?”

Aunn’s arm glided outward in a gentle sweep. “By all means.”

**_FWTCH!_ **

Marisa swiped it so quickly Mamizou hadn’t even seen her move. The sound reverberated through her mind as she gazed upon the envelope neatly resting in Marisa’s hand.

“Bingo.” Marisa turned back to her one last time. “You may be a big scary Youkai, but don’t get any funny ideas. She’s a Komainu, this is her house, and she is not your friend. If you dare even raise your hand at me now, she’ll eat you before you even get close enough to smell my perfume.”

Aunn paw posed and tilted to one side with a happy little smile. “A’hnn~”

“But let’s say she can’t beat you on her own ‘cuz you’re just that terrifying when the chips are down.” Marisa waved the envelope. “I have _this_ now. I can shoot you all I want, and I’ve beaten you myself plenty of times. You can’t defeat both of us.”

Mamizou stammered and stuttered.

Marisa turned and shouted, “and no, the worshipers out front probably _won’t_ leave if I start blasting! I’m popular!” She pounded her fist against her own chest. “I’m the crowd favorite!” Her finger flicked up. “Reimu might be the star, but _I’m_ the face of human capability,” she pointed to herself then whipped her finger back in Mamizou’s face, “and I am _proud_ of that I tell ya!” Her rage bubbled up again as her finger curled back against her clenching fist. “But I don’t _care_ if they leave!” Her grip tightened. “If she wants more money, I can _get_ more fucking money! I’ll snatch purses and wallets and dump ‘em all out in her fucking box ‘cuz she deserves it more than they do!”

She turned away,

“But I”

clutched the envelope under her gaze tightly in both hands,

“can NEVER”

and let the broom clatter to the ground

“get another Reimu…”

while a tear rolled down her face.

Her glance snapped back with inconsolable fury. “So if there’s even a SLIVER of a chance there’s a clue that leads me to ‘er in here, I’m taking it!” The intensity of her voice flared and fired rapidly without a moment to pause at all. **_“I am opening this fucking envelope and THERE IS NOT A THING YOU CAN DO TO STOP ME!!”_**

**_SHWT!_ **

She swiped her finger across it and it tore open along the line she drew, and with a flick of her wrist, its contents were out and unfolded.

With a defeated sigh, Mamizou deflated. “ _She outsmarted me…”_

Marisa’s eyes scanned across the page.

Tears pooled in Mamizou’s eyes. _“An ordinary, no-powers, no-abilities human… outsmarted me…”_ Teeth clenched, her eyes closed and she covered them up. _“How did I let a cowardly blockhead like MARISA outsmart me!?”_ She whined beneath her her hands as tears slid out from under them. _“I’ll never live this down…”_

Marisa squinted and tensed.

 _“Wait.”_ Mamizou swung her hands off her face and she gaped at a thought that entered her mind. She stared, then her curly lips spread into a Grinch-like sneer. _“That’s right…”_

A broom handle thunked against the wall and Mamizou jumped and turned and saw Aunn smirking beside her with arms folded. She stared motionlessly out the side of her eyes as though the stillness would take her sight away, but Aunn continued to smile, and as she spoke, her voice lowered to an uncharacteristic depth. “It wouldn’t have been necessary for her to help me if I wanted to eat you. I have been hardened by centuries of unseen battle in the name of this shrine’s protection. I may just be a puppy compared to you…” her head lowered and her eyes narrowed with feral delight, “but I’ve devoured monsters so terrible they can’t even be called Youkai.” Half of her face flickered between its usual form and something far more frightening.

Mamizou swore she heard the roar of a pouncing lion in the back of her mind and she jumped with a terrified gasp, refusing to turn away.

Aunn raised her hand. “You stand before me on this sacred ground because I allow it.” Her hand closed and Mamizou felt something grab her coat from behind.

“Nh-!”

Aunn swung her arm downward and Mamizou was shoved to the ground on all fours. Aunn’s voice came from the opposite direction now, and the Aunn in front of her smiled motionlessly. “I cherish every generation that passes through this shrine.”

Mamizou looked. A second Aunn had appeared behind her.

“I have watched over them all since its founding. Children to me, all of them.”

Mamizou looked back to the other, but it had disappeared.

“I want the world for Hakurei Reimu.” The new Aunn paced forward, past her. “What she needs is love. Friendship. Companions. People who care, even if only a little, even if only for their own sake. I let the Youkai in because she finds their presence less frightening than people.” She stopped and stood still. “I have watched her suffer in silence, powerless to help or to stop it. I cannot protect humans from each other.” Aunn’s arm swiped up and out to her side and her fist gripped the air.

Mamizou felt a hand grasp her ear, and between panicked gasps she screamed. “Aah—! Aah—! Aah—!”

Aunn roared with her teeth bared, **“But I _will_ protect humans from monsters, because I am a good girl!” **Her mirrored forms walked in opposite directions, and the one holding Mamizou’s ear dragged her along the ground a fair distance away and threw her against the wall, pipe clacking to the ground, glasses crooked. Mamizou cowered before Aunn in terror as her emerald eyes glared down from above. She saw no part of her move at all. A statue. “I am always watching. Fearlessly. Vigilantly. Tirelessly. And now I can move on my own. So behave. Your honor—your _ego—_ isn’t worth the fate in store for you if you cause Reimu’s happiness to diminish or to end, and as you clearly understand, Marisa is a large piece of her happiness indeed.”

Eyes shut, Mamizou took a deep breath. “You’re right. I apologize.” She sat up. “I lost my temper, and for no good reason at all.” Mamizou scooped up her pipe and placed it back in her mouth. “I’d forgotten something small but very important.”

A distance off, Marisa squinted, her face contorting in bewilderment. “Uhhh…”

Aunn spun around and watched her apprehensively.

Marisa swung her head to the sky, smacked her forehead with the tips of her fingers, and shrugged. “I don’t get it.” She kept poring over it. “What is this? Is this a grocery list? Why would _she_ be here for that??”

Aunn stood agape, stunned and worried. “If she could get this far, it should be obvious…”

Mamizou stood back up. “It _is_ obvious, _if_ you read the whole thing.”

Aunn looked to Mamizou. “If…?” She stared again at Marisa, eyebrows wrinkled with concern. “But why _wouldn’t_ she…?”

Mamizou’s eyes were solid and sure. “She’s trying, but the page is intentionally formatted _very_ poorly. A problem for her in particular.”

Marisa stared at the solid wall of text. _“This isn’t fair. It’s like it’s designed to defeat me.”_ Small font, single-spaced, no new lines, no kanji, and only the bare minimum of punctuation. Even the numbers and fractional measurements were written as words. Sweat trickled down her face, each drop riding on the heels of the last. _“I must’ve read the first line like eight times, but it just slides outta me like I’m not even trying.”_

Mamizou lifted her pipe from her lips and smoke gently wafted out as her eyes held shut in comfort. “I haven’t lost yet.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fun fact! Marisa's insistence that Mamizou call her a Heroine after she calls her a Hero is actually based on a canon event where the same thing happens with Yukari at the end of LoLK. Marisa canonically does not like being even only arguably misgendered!
> 
> https://twitter.com/AmyZenunim/status/1221222873144201217?s=20


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